"Grief is yet another song the heart must sing"
“I’ve learned that grief can be a slow ache that never seems to stop rising, yet as we grieve, those we love mysteriously become more and more a part of who we are. In this way, grief is yet another song the heart must sing to open the gate of all there is.
In truth, there is a small one who suffers in each of us, an angel trying to grow wings in the dark, and as this angel learns how to sing, we lose the urge to hide. Indeed, when one heart speaks, all hearts fly. This is what it means to be great—to speak what feels unspeakable and have it release what waits in us all.”
– MARK NEPO
Wow – I could read this quote 100 times over and I think it would still touch me. This quote illuminates exactly where I have found myself on my journey. So much that has happened over the last few months and years come back to the message in this quote. All the wise teachers, therapists, mentors – they are all saying the same thing. It is our choice to listen…..
We need to accept and love ourselves. We are all the same. Pain is part of all of us – for so many reasons, and we need to use this pain to set us free – together. This quote so powerfully talks about this concerning grief - something every human will feel in their lifetime.
We need to stop hiding from and judging our challenges, pain, grief, fear, - we need to illuminate that it is normal and part of the human condition, and hold each other’s hands through it – so we rise together. Time and time again.
As my recent live interview with Mardi Thomas Goodman illuminated – the human brain thrives with human connection. Specifically, emotional connection. Brene Brown's research confirms all of it. We need vulnerability to connect and thrive as humans – yet, so many are still shaming themselves for their stories: issues with appearance, weight, mental health issues, destructive habits or addictions, imperfections, challenges in marriages, or as parents, body image issues. All the STUFF that makes us imperfect. We shame ourselves for this stuff – yet we all have something. So instead let’s own it, love ourselves for it, and live courageously together knowing we all have stuff. NO ONE IS PERFECT.
When my father passed away I started a blog. This blog was to talk about a painful subject and give some light to something that most keep in the dark.
I wanted to be a voice for those who did not have one, and I wanted to truly show people that they were never alone.
It has been almost 5 years without my dad in human form. While the grief still grips me and makes me feel like I am walking in heavy thick mud when it hits hard – holidays, visits to the cemetery, travel, quiet moments; I do feel like I have gotten to a point where my dad has become part of ME! And I am so proud, lucky and blessed to have his spirit inside me. Because he was/is a FUCKING AWESOME HUMAN!
While my dad is not here in physical form to see my accomplishments (and I cry writing this) I know for a FACT – I WOULD NOT BE WHERE I AM TODAY WITHOUT HIM – literally and figuratively. Even the journey of the last 4 years without him, I would not be here now without his spirit, love, wisdom, and way of living and being.
Taking the space to write this post is bringing up a lot of pain and tears – but it is important on Yom Kippur to connect and release. Connect and release.
My dad’s energy was powerful, insightful, passionate, gutsy, energetic, hard-working, adventurous, loving, emotional, just loved his people, his life, experiences.
I know if my dad could see what I have built in my career, my family, the impact, he would be beaming. I start to envision his heart bursting and I can feel the love.
I never ever thought I would lose my Dad at 34 years old. I never thought Zadie Lionel would just be a person that my kids know of – but never knew. I never thought I would have a baby to name after my dad. But as we all know by now – life is NOT always the script we wrote as a little girl – we must modify, we must wiggle, and eventually, we must surrender – because when we resist – NOTHING FLOWS.
As we move into the Jewish New year – can you promise yourself 3 THINGS:
1. You will be gentle with yourself this year
2. You will find time to slow down and do things that nourish your soul
3. That you live from a framework of I am enough, I am love, I am worthy.
With love now and always,