Donna Jacobs

donna jacobs_video donna jacobs_vio video Jan 01, 2023

"All the pieces to becoming your best self – you already possess inside you"
- Donna Jacobs

Donna Jacobs is a clinical Psychologist who has been in practice for 40 years seeing individuals and couples. Throughout her professional career Donna has been exposed to many influences which have all helped shape and hone her therapy and her “Self-Integration Model”.  Donna believes that if people can identify the various parts of themselves then they can transform themselves to live happy, healthy and complete lives by “Becoming Their Best Selves”.

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  • How reparenting ourselves from our childhood wounds is key to healthy parenting and healthy relationships

  • Every human being is made up of 3 states: Parent, Adult, Child The parent is the filter – how we take in information from our environment:

  • Unhealthy side – 3 parent states:

  • Critical Parent filter leads to feelings of shame, guilt, feeling bad, angry shame

  • Indulgent/Neglectful leads to feelings addictions, self-absorbed, narcissistic, victim, grandiose, entitled

  • Catastrophizing filter leads to anxiety, paralysis, freezing, helplessness, immobilized

  • As an actual parent – if you indulge your children and give in all the time, and set no rules, boundaries and limitation – it is neglectful

  • Each state is paired with a child state and connects to our feelings

  • The inner child is the place in us that feels feelings, warehouse of our needs and wants

  • The goal of therapy is to become aware of yourself and shift from the unhealthy parenting filters to the healthy parenting filters

  • WE MUST BE AWARE OF OUR OWN PARENTS Parenting styles - we either borrow or we react against how we were parented, so it is pertinent to the process


3 healthy parenting states – we all have this internally, even if you weren’t parented in this way:

  1. Protective Parent – leads to child feeling safe, protected and secure

  2. Nurturing Parent – validated, reassured, comfort and soothed, “I got you”Guide – wisdom, perspective, “therapist” voice,

  3. Adult – takes care of business in the world; speaks on behalf of the child, logical, rational, has a conversation, moves things forward


    6 steps of healing
    1. What am I feeling....As soon as you have a feeling on the unhealthy side – pull the alarm to activate the healthy side – YOU NEED SUPPORT AND HELP - PP, NP, G and A (they are inside you)

    2. Identify the unhealthy parent on board

    3. PP steps in and saves the child from the unhealthy parent

    4. NP comes in and nurtures and soothes and validates the emotion; reassure, comfort and soothe

    5. Guide – puts the pieces together

    6. Adult executes grounded and calm, communicates


Main message after 40 years of sitting with people in their pain:

Healing Is like building a muscle – you must work it – FOREVER!

Becoming your best self, takes extreme commitment, work, determination

All the pieces to becoming your best self – you already possess inside you, we have it all – we just have to take the time, gain the right tool and we can integrate into a whole, stable version