Focus on what you can control...What does that really mean?

Focus on what you can control. What does that truly mean?

When life gives you challenges - you will often hear people say - focus on what you can control...great advice - but easier said than done!

First and foremost, I want to preface this by saying that focus is a skill. It is not something you learn about and then suddenly become an expert at. Our brains have been trained and conditioned for years — often without intention. Most people have been unconsciously conditioned to catastrophize, see the glass half empty, and feel like victims to life through blame, shame, and guilt.  We work so hard and often still never feel like we are doing enough. This is deeply human.  So if you resonate - congratulations!

Comparison, culture, and conditioning have led many people to function from this type of brain — a brain that is constantly in the past feeling guilt or shame, or in the future worrying. A brain that blames itself or others. A brain that rarely feels present, peaceful, or enough.   Does this resonate?

Shame — the feeling of not being enough — is one of the most universal emotions we experience as humans. So much of our mental health struggles, anxiety, depression and addictions stem from shame. Shame is at the root of so much self-destruction, hustling, proving, and suffering.

The good news is: there is another way.  

We know the brain is neuroplastic, meaning it can change. With repetition, intentional focus, and a deep commitment to growth over time, (there are no quick fixes in life!) we can rewire our brains. We can train ourselves to scan for miracles instead of disasters, gratitude instead of lack, and empowerment instead of victimization.

One of the most important steps in rewiring the brain is understanding that you have power over what you choose to focus on. And when you change your focus, everything in your life begins to change.

When you focus on things you cannot control, you stay stuck in emotional loops that keep you overwhelmed, exhausted, and disconnected:

• Other people’s actions and behaviours — you will never be able to control another person, not even your kids. Truly accepting this and doing the work to embody it is life-changing.
• Shame — feeling not enough in any area of your life, comparison, perfectionism, hustling for your worth, or constantly trying to prove yourself.
• Past mistakes — learning from mistakes is valuable, but spinning in regret and shame gets us nowhere.
• Future catastrophizing.
• Trying to find peace through control — life is uncertain, and you will never fully feel in control.
• Trying to understand why people are the way they are, especially when they have very different values from you.

When you begin focusing on what you can control — and remember, this is a skill — you begin rewiring your brain toward worthiness, belief, gratitude, freedom, energy, resilience, and motivation for change.

Things you can control:

• Your own actions and behaviours — over time, with intention and awareness.
• The people you surround yourself with.
• The advice you listen to.
• How you feed your body.
• How you feed your mind.
• How you respond to others.
• Your boundaries.
• Your belief in yourself.
• Your values.

Learning to focus on what you can control is a skill — and a foundational one if you want to become a resilient person. It is powerful, life-changing work.

Transformation does not happen overnight, so do not be hard on yourself if you have heard this concept before, but struggled to apply it consistently. With time, patience, awareness, and dedication, you will get there.

Keep going. It is so worth it.

If you want to learn more about focus, resilience, and building this life-changing skill set, join me for my next resilience workshop starting June 11th! Details here.