Week 3 – 52 Weeks, A Blog Dedicated To Lionel Larry

Week 3 – April 13, 2015

“Allow there is no controlling life. Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado. Dam a stream and it will create a new channel. Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet. Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground. The only safety lies in letting it all in— the wild with the weak; fear, fantasies, failures and success. When loss rips off the doors of the heart, or sadness veils your vision with despair, practice becomes simply bearing the truth. In the choice to let go of your known way of being, the whole world is revealed to your new eyes”. Danna Faulds, from Go In and In: Poems from the Heart of Yoga

It has been 3 weeks, and I sort of feel like I am in a foggy dream.  I understand now, why “denial” is the first stage of grief.  Trying to process the fact that I will never see Lionel Larry again is far too unfathomable and too much for my mind to grasp.  Some days I still feel like my Dad is just on a trip or spending the winter in Florida.  On Saturday night, we all gathered for dinner to celebrate his b day.  Then it felt real.  All 14 of us together – where was he?  It still did not and does not feel like reality.  It is very interesting how your mind can play tricks on you to protect you, and how our emotions do not always match what we want or desire to feel.

I can tell you for sure that connections and people are the way through this for me.  And my family.  And music.  I want to end this post with the song that got me through the 6 weeks when my father was transitioning.  I listened to it almost every morning and my Dad and I danced to it, until we could not anymore….  It is a very uplifting song, and really puts challenge into perspective.  It is called Three things by Jason Mraz

Lyrics:

There are three things I do when my life falls apart
Number one I cry my eyes out and dry up my heart
Not until I do this will my new life start
So that’s the first thing that I do when my life falls apart.Oh, the second thing I do is I close both of my eyes
And say my thank-yous to each and every moment of my life.
I go where I know the love is and let it fill me up inside
Gathering new strength from sorrow,
I’m glad to be alive.

Things are looking up
I know above the clouds the sun is shining
Things are looking up
Love is still the answer I’m relying
On
Three little things
Things are looking up

The third thing that I do now when my world caves in,
is I pause, I take a breath, and bow and I let that chapter end.
I design my future bright not by where my life has been.
And I try, try, try, try, try again.
Yes I try, try, try, try, try again.

Things are looking up
I know beyond the dark the sun is rising
Things are looking up
And I know above the clouds the sun is shining
Things are looking
Love is still the answer I’m relying
On
Three little things
Three little things

Til Next week,

Jodi